


if nothing starts, nothing can end

by blusterblue



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Growing Up, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 17:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11063727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blusterblue/pseuds/blusterblue
Summary: soulmates doesn't mean everything works out.





	1. like morning dew

**Author's Note:**

> my ideal situation for pokeshipping is where they just stay as good friends with feelings for each other. i wouldn’t want them to get in a relationship because i think without an au it wouldn’t work. not that long distance doesn’t work but when you don't have time for each other, its not healthy imo.
> 
> anyway this is where everyone ages normally and misty and ash dont get over each other even tho they were like 10/11 when they met

     they’re each other’s first crush, but they never really talk about it seriously because that would mean telling the truth, and it’s easier not to. they do keep in touch though, but sporadically.

     she becomes good friends with delia, visiting when she’s not busy. at first they bond over the absence of ash, but over time it becomes more and misty sees delia as her own mother figure.

     brock and her meet up sometimes and they’ll always be friends, the kind that you can see after months and you can jump right back to where you used to be. she tears up when his oldest younger sibling wins against her.

     sometimes she sees ash on tv and she thinks, there’s that idiot. some nights when he’s camping, ash turns his head to look at her sleeping bag and remembers she’s not traveling with him anymore. why does he keep thinking she’s there?

     it’s easier this way, anyway, she tells herself. she doesn’t have to feel jealous of his newest companions because his love life is none of her business. and besides, she doesn’t have time to moon over a boy when she has a gym to run. she’s the main character of her life. not some boy thousands of miles away.

     mostly everything is so busy that he doesn’t think of her except at night, except when he looks up at the stars and remembers what he told max what feels like years ago. he still has her lure and he still has feelings that he realized too late.

     nothing since each other has even felt like love. and it’s silly, cause they were kids. they were like 10 and they should move on already or at least tell each other.

     but it’s just. background noise now. a part of their life that they learn to live with, feelings surviving like cacti in the desert. her laugh when he tells her a story. the sound of his smile when she talks about her day. they’re drizzles of rain.

      if nothing starts, nothing can end.

     maybe they joke about it when they’re older and married to other people. maybe misty whispers to delia, half drunk after another ash-less christmas party, “i wanted to become your daughter in law once” and delia holds her close, teary eyed and says “i know. you’re a daughter to me anyway, dear.”

     maybe they never get married because they don't think it would be fair to be still in love with the idea of their first crush and marry someone who has to be compared to to an idealized memory.

     maybe they never get married because soulmates doesn’t mean everything works out.

 

_(ash has a dream where he and misty confess._

_he wakes up feeling empty._

_by the time he sits down for breakfast, it’s all disappeared.)_


	2. like evening twilight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soulmates doesn't mean forever, take 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol so i had this in my google drive for over a year and just polished it up today! it's just basically a revised + more fleshed out version of the first chapter. hope someone out there likes it. i'll probably be messing with it a couple times because i struggle with formatting on here. i'm proud of it despite everything. if stuff doesn't make sense that's because i based it off the first chapter where it was more explicit how things would be different "maybe"s or universes or whatever. not everything is linear either.

 

They’re each other’s first crush, but they never really talk about it seriously. Because that would mean telling the truth, and it’s easier not to. After they parted ways, there’s barely any chance to talk, so why talk about feelings when he could ask her how the gym was going? She stops bringing up romance when it’s just the two of them talking through screens, and he’s almost grateful.

They fall into teasing each other as soon as seeing each other’s face, and he thinks, this is why he missed her. The curve of her smile, the lilt of her laugh. The caring scolding, the way she talks with her hands. They change outfits and hairstyles, but she’s always the same furious girl who dragged him to the hospital and saved his life on his very first day. Caring so hard that it sets her on fire.

How could he want anything more from her when this was already so much?

 

* * *

 

Sometimes when she’s in Delia’s house, it feels like his eyes are watching her. Ten year old Ash Ketchum, immortalized in photograph, smiling at her in every room. Delia doesn’t talk about him as often as she used to. When Misty asks her how often he visits, she says, “He’s a busy boy now, much more than when you were traveling with him. I miss him, but he knows I’ll always be here.”

He knows _I'll_ always be here, Misty thinks, and she wishes it wasn’t true.

Misty starts visiting her regularly after the first time Ash’s birthday passes and she’s without him. At first, if only because missing someone with someone else is better than feeling lonely alone.

Delia teaches her how to cook and bake, with a saintly patience only a mother could embody. Misty wasn’t calm enough before, but she’s learning to be as time goes by. Growing up, things feel slower. One afternoon with Delia somehow feels longer and shorter than it should be. The summer haze pulls smooth like taffy, but suddenly there’s a sunset yawning open through the window after Misty turns around.   

The first time Misty makes a perfect strawberry shortcake, they have tea in the kitchen and Misty takes two dozen pictures because this is it, this is the romantic Parisian tea party she’s always wanted except she did it, she made it, and she’s sweating but she’s grinning. When she pulls Delia in for a hug, she’s surprised about how natural it feels. And how much it makes her miss the mother she never had.

She makes sure to come every week if she can after that summer, talking about her day and making Delia laugh. Misty barely has free time, but she can tell that Delia has too much of it.

A woman with friends wouldn’t need a Mr. Mime for company.

 

* * *

 

Brock never seems to change. And Misty appreciates it, honestly. She doesn’t come over as frequently as she does with Delia, but she takes time every couple months to travel down to Pewter and have some of Brock’s amazing cooking. She shows him pictures of The Cake one time and his jaw drops. He still refuses to believe that she made it, despite Misty's video evidence.

He’s dating Jenny from the PokéCenter nearby, and Misty’s happy for him. His dad sometimes comes to help take care of the kids and some days, Brock calls her on the phone to unload his feelings.

 _“Jenny wouldn’t really get it,”_ he says. _“She grew up in a big family that loved each other and she had her parents. We had to bring ourselves up, you know? At least Ash had his mom._  
  
_Like I’m resentful, I guess? I feel like I kinda missed the chance to be a kid, I don’t know. He was right there. But if I did get to be a kid, I’d be a totally different person. And different doesn’t always mean better.”_

She complains with him about Ash in ways that she can never do with Delia. He still riffs at her about her feelings sometimes, but he was there. He knows and it’s better than admitting them out loud to someone who wouldn’t.

_“I just wish I could never see him again sometimes but at the same time I still miss him. We talk like once a year at best, and people change, always. I haven’t been on a date in months and even when I do date, I think of him and I hate it, I just. I wish I could get over him.”_

_“Are you sure you wanna get over him though? I think you’re afraid, Misty. You’re afraid if you’ll let him go, you’ll never get him back when he comes looking, so you’re shutting everyone else out. You gotta let yourself go. You gotta let him go, otherwise you never will. I know what he means to you. He’s my friend too. But look where we are now.”_

_“… You’re right, I… When did_ you _become so good at relationships? It feels like yesterday when I was pulling you from harassing another poor girl...”_

 

* * *

 

She nearly has a fucking heart attack when she turns the TV on after a long day of work. Of course, he’s onscreen. Of course, he’s doing an interview. Of course, he looks at the camera with that stupid, million-watt smile. She clicks the TV off and rolls her eyes as she lays on the couch. Goddamn the universe sometimes, honestly.  Just when she thought she was almost getting over him.

 

* * *

 

Some quiet nights, when he’s in his sleeping bag, he turns his head and almost expects to see her, sleeping there in her own. She hasn’t traveled with him for years. Why does he still feel like if he just blinked, she’d be right there?

Mostly everything keeps him so busy that he doesn’t think of her often, except when he can look up at the stars and remember what he told Max.  
  
_"A good friend left me, and I miss her everyday. But I know we'll be friends forever."_

He still has her lure. He might still have feelings. But there’s no place for them in her life or in his. Not anymore. He missed his chance. It’s the right to go about it, he thinks to himself. Better to not say anything to your childhood friend instead of ruining a friendship hanging by threads. Better to keep something than having nothing at all.

 

* * *

 

Misty sees him on the tabloids every time she buys groceries, always some sort of scandal with a new girl, always that bright smile plastered and greeting her at the cash register. She doesn’t read their names, she tries not to see their faces. It’s easier this way, she tells herself. She doesn’t have time to be jealous. She really doesn’t. Mooning over a boy is not a way to run a gym. He’s not the main character in her life, she is. And she always has been.

 

* * *

 

Nothing since each other has even felt like love. And it’s so silly, 'cause they were kids. They were ten (eleven) and first love is supposed to be something over and done with and buried like your first goldfish.

It’s not supposed to hang like a ghost. It shouldn’t linger.

And for the most part, it doesn’t. It’s just background noise, it’s just wallpaper. Nothing worth mentioning. Nothing worth worrying about.

 

* * *

 

“God, Serena, you’re lucky you never met kid me.” Misty says jokingly, rolling her eyes, “She would have been so angry at you for marrying her first crush.”

She half wishes she didn’t come, but it’s too late to run out now. Ash Ketchum is finally getting a big fat wedding and there’s nothing she can do about it. Serena is pretty and sweet, feminine and graceful. Misty can see exactly why Ash would like her.

Serena laughs. “I was so jealous of anyone who even looked at Ash back in the beginning. But he’s mine now, and mine forever.”

“He’s such an idiot sometimes. Take good care of him.” She says, although looking at Serena, Misty already knows she will.

 

* * *

 

It’s Christmas again. Misty loves her sisters, but she doesn’t want to spend the day helping them unwrap their holiday fanmail. The gym is already closed for the day, and when she slips out in the early morning, they don’t see her leave. She sends a text to Daisy once she’s in the car.

She doesn’t like letting Delia spend Christmases alone, but if Ash doesn’t show up, it would just be her and Mr. Mime. And Misty would invite her over, but Delia spends so much time decorating the place that it would be a shame. When she parks at her house, the snow is falling lightly.

“Mrs. Ketchum, I’m here! Wow, the decorations look great,” Misty says, shaking the snowflakes off her coat. The inside of the house is decked out, cutouts and tinsel lining the house. The Christmas tree is small but the baubles and lights make it picturesque.

“Thank you, dear. Mr. Mime helped out quite a lot this year.” Mr. Mime takes Misty’s coat and she thanks him.

Misty’s still not confident enough to cook something like Christmas dinner, but she helps Delia in other ways. She rinses the dishes, sets the table. The radio plays familiar holiday tunes, and the two of them sing slightly off key, but it fills her with a warmth that’s indescribable.

After dinner is over, Misty brings out what Mr. Mime helped her hide earlier: two bottles of wine. Despite Delia’s initial protests, by the end of the night both of them have glasses in their hands.  And Misty’s is empty. Which she finds strange, as she knows she’s filled it with the wine numerous times.

She’s sprawled on the couch, her makeup smudged but her smile loose and sloppy.  She grins with half lidded eyes and stage whispers to Delia, “Can you keep a secret?”

Delia humors her, but goes to get her a blanket, which Misty would be grateful for if she had the mental capacity. Sleeping in Ash’s old room is awkward and the couch was already comfy. “Of course, dear. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“I wanted... I wanted to be y- your daughter in law for so long.”

Delia holds her close, and says, "I know. You're a daughter to me anyway."

When Misty wakes up the next day, she pretends she can't remember anything that happened. But if she hugs Delia goodbye a little tighter than she usually does, neither of them say anything about it.

 

* * *

 

Ash never gets married. He likes Serena and even dates her for a bit but he doesn't really find it fair to her. Or any girl. It's not just these leftover feelings but that he's never acted on them. It's not just her but that he's got a schedule that wouldn't work with long distance, not really. He sleeps in the woods and trains his Pokémon and he'll keep doing it because it's all he's got.

Misty gets close to it once, something almost with Gary Oak (of all people) but when she calls Ash she tells him she called it off because "it didn't feel right." And Ash tells her that he knows what she means but he wonders if he really does at all.

 

* * *

 

(There's this dream Ash has, always. 

Or not always but enough that he knows it's the same one, every time.

It's him and a girl and they're facing each other, and though he can't see her face, she's never been a stranger.

He says something but it's always garbled when he plays it back. Corrupted, distorted. She says it back and she leans in and -

He wakes up empty and foggy headed, always colder than he expected.

By the time he sits down for breakfast, it's all disappeared.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> i posted this fic on tumblr like a couple weeks ago? and it got some notes so i started to clean it up a bit to put it on here but like. i sorta started rewriting it in a different style and everything and. i'm gonna add that part as sort of like an extended chapter, it'll be the same thing but just in a different style. less dreamy feeling i guess. but i'm excited to post it.


End file.
